8 weeks

Baby is looking good in there. I've had two ultrasounds, now.

Last week, after spending the entire day in bed, barely able to stand for more than a minute, throwing up, and then spotting, I finally called the doctor and was promptly told to go in to the ER and get fluids and an ultrasound. So, off we went. I was pretty dehydrated, pulse was high and blood pressure was low. Baby appeared fine on the ultrasound, no explanation for the spotting. After two bags of fluids, and a dose of zofran, I felt somewhat better. 

One week later, I'm still not great. I've seen my OB now, we've seen the baby again (right on track, heartbeat of 175!), and I'm taking quite the cocktail of meds. Zofran, b6, unisom, Pepcid, prenatals only at night before bed (when I can manage to choke them down - I gag when I try to take them - that's never happened before). I'm trying to keep food in my stomach, and force liquids and Gatorade and even Pedialyte. 

I'm miserable. 

I'm counting the days. The weeks. One hour at a time. I just want to not be sick anymore.

Tonight I took a shower and all I could think about was fall. By fall, I'll be past this misery. By fall, we'll know if we'll be welcoming a girl or boy. 

It's only June 4th. *sigh*

Here we go again!

Well, I'm pregnant. 

I'm just gonna leave that there. Maybe it will sink in eventually. I'm 7 weeks, 2 days today. We've known since I was barely 4 weeks. I was pretty much in disbelief for the first two weeks. I did run out that very morning (my initial plan was to only buy the digital pregnancy test to confirm) and bought all the necessary vitamins and supplements. I bought a grocery cart full of healthy foods pregnants are supposed to eat. I bought decaf coffee. I packed away the bottle of prosecco I had put into the fridge the night before.

But I still didn't believe it. I waited each day for the cramping to start, for red to appear on the toilet paper (TMI, sorry but it's true). I took more tests; the positive line only got darker. 

Three weeks later, here we are. I'm sort of coming to terms with this. It changes everything in our lives. I mean a new child always does. But as much as the baby fever had kicked my ass a few months prior, I had come to terms with the fact that welcoming a new addition wasn't the best choice right now. Finances are tight (to say the least!!), my stress level is high, I was excited to go back to working a job outside the home once both girls started full time school in August. I had come to terms with the fact that having another child was not the answer to whatever longing I was feeling. We have two wonderful and perfect daughters. Seeing them grow and experiencing these new stages of their lives is exciting. 

I was good. 

Then, surprise!

So, now we wait anxiously for my first OB appointment, which won't be until I am 8 weeks 5 days. 

I feel like crap as well. The morning sickness is seriously kicking my ass this time. Yes, I did have it for both girls, but not to this extent. I have a prescription for zofran waiting at the pharmacy, but I'm scared to take it for fear of the headaches I've read are common with it. *sigh* I'm taking the unisom/b6 combo which seems to be highly recommended , but it only takes the nausea/dizziness down from a 10 to a 4-5. It still sucks to drive, or do anything standing. Ha. Thank god there's only one week of school left. One week left of that god awful commute. 

Our poor kids. I spend most of my days laying around. :( we haven't explained to them why I am sick every day. They'll be coming with us to the first doctor appointment for lack of available sitters,  so they'll find out then. I'm hoping I can find a sitter before then though. Boy oh boy. 

I won't actually post this until after the first ultrasound. Still in denial, you see. 

June 2, 2014

Today, my project du jour was to quickly go through all of the kids' clothes I had packed away (ok, stuffed into garbage bags and threw in the closet) quickly, and only keep those items that meant something to me or brought out an emotional/sentimental/physical response. 

I'm proud of myself. I only kept 1 full (medium sized) bin and another only a third full, to save room for additional clothes I find worth saving. I sorted a box of shoes and clothes to pass on to our niece who is younger than our girls. And six garbage bags full of clothes from newborn to 4T to give away. Six bags! And this is after I had already gone through these clothes probably a year ago and couldn't bare to part with them. Yeesh!

I went through quickly and easily enough, but I had those moments where it was hard to look at the little onesies. My kids were that small?  

I showed them individual pieces. "Genna, you wore this the day we came home from the hospital."  "Gabby, look at how tiny you were! And this thing was big on you!"  They smiled or "oohed."  But they didn't see my heartbreak each time I folded a dress or tiny hat and stored it away, never to be worn again.  How did it go so fast?

Some things I kept, only thinking that maybe one day they will have their own daughters and think how cool it will be to put them in one of their outfits.  Or maybe just because I still can't part with it all. 

Gabby asked why I was keeping them. "Why are you keeping those shoes if we can't wear them?"  

"They were your first pair of shoes, ever. You learned to walk in these.  I want to keep some things so I can look at them later when you're all grown up and I can remember you."

"But you can just look at us.  We'll always be here." 

Heart clinching moment number two of the afternoon. 

Next up is clearing out the toys from the play room. And not just boxing them and stacking them in the closet. Really deciding what goes. That seems just as hard as the clothes. 

The puzzles Gabby mastered at 12 months (total brag but who cares, my kid's a friggin' genius).  The baby toys that I can't seem to get rid of. Why can't I do that?  What is it about the toys my girls had from 0-12 months that holds some kind of bond?  

I guess I miss that age more than anything. Most of the clothes I kept were little ones, too. 

Wish me luck, friends, because the next few days of sorting that is gonna rock my world. 

Stuff My Kids Say

A drafted post from over a year ago that I never posted. 

Looking at our sad potted plants that I tried to plant and grow with them. 

Gabby:  Aww they don't look good. 

Me:  No, they don't. *frown*

Gabby:  Maybe they need water!

Me:  With all the rain we've had this week, I think they had too much water. 

Gabby:  Oh, well then they need more sun. 

Me:  Yes...

Gabby:  And love!

Making a card for J for Father's Day. 

Genna: How do I draw a picture of Daddy?

Me:  Start with his head - draw a circle. 

Genna:  *draws large circle on paper*

Gabby:  Mommy, Genna drew the circle too big!

Genna:  Well that's ok 'cause Daddy has a big head. 

As I was getting dressed. 

Me: *checking myself in the mirror, the usual yoga pants and tshirt*

Genna:  *watching me* momma you have to be FASHIONABLE!

Me:  oh, I'm not fashionable? 

Genna:  nope. 

Me:  oh, well that's not nice to say.

Genna: you just need a dress!

Six months later

Aaand and I'm blogging again. :)

It's summer. My oldest will be starting kindergarten in August. And my youngest will start a two-day-a-week mom's day out program.  I cannot express how amazed I am at how fast time has passed. They were *babies* yesterday. 

I'm hoping to enjoy this summer even more than last. After a full 9.5 months of routine and bedtimes and morning and afternoon commutes. Making lunches and forcing breakfasts. Snack days and the evening rush-rush-rush. I want to embrace this summer.  Especially if it means I will be sending my littlest little on to school as well come fall. 

We're only two days in, so it's been easy thus far. One laid back-wake up late day, another with a visit to a play place. 

Genevieve is beyond excited to have Gabrielle home everyday.  My poor kid - I've obviously bored her to tears up until now.  The main reason I'm happy to send her to the two-day-a-week program. She needs the play and structure and socialization that I just can't offer by myself. 

Otherwise, we are looking forward to our first family vacation this summer.  We're headed to Pensacola Beach with family later in June. I cannot tell you how excited I am. We haven't been to PB since 2008, and then it was only because we were evacuating due to a hurricane. I miss the sand and sun. The lack of schedule and work. The family time. The water.  And I am so happy to allow our girls to experience it this year. 

I want to write more. But this has become a long post and I'll have to gather my thoughts and try a few themed posts in the coming weeks. 

I'm glad to be back - even it it's only to document my journey with my littles.