What's been going on around here lately? I'll admit I'm not great at blogging frequently, and it's probably easier to see what we're up to by following me on Instagram. But here's a little summary of life on this side of the fence.
Summer vacation is over. I was counting down the days for two reasons: 1) a three year old who seems to do better with scheduled events, with busy days, with the socialization school offers, was driving me nuts. Ha. 2) I was terrified. School starting back meant my first born is another year older. And sometimes I don't know if I can handle that.
I realize that's part of being a parent. Watching her grow and become her own person. I marvel at it, then I cry because I can't hold her in one arm anymore. She doesn't fall asleep on my chest anymore. That baby sweet breath? Yeah that's gone. I'm struggling.
Lately it's been hitting home how fast these girls are growing. Their play habits, conversations. I hold on to what I can. Still want to sleep in our bed? Ok. Sure I wake up cranky and with a stiff back or neck because c'mon how are four people supposed to actually fit in a queen sized bed??! But I give in every.single.night. Because, I can't let go.
And I'll say it again - I'm struggling to get through this.
And good lord, do I have the mom guilt! Dropping her at school, I wonder every day: am I doing the right thing? I remind myself over and over that I can't teach her what she is learning; that I am doing what I always said I would - give her better than I had. But I'm still just a mom and she's still just my baby and it's hard.
Summer vacation is over. I was counting down the days for two reasons: 1) a three year old who seems to do better with scheduled events, with busy days, with the socialization school offers, was driving me nuts. Ha. 2) I was terrified. School starting back meant my first born is another year older. And sometimes I don't know if I can handle that.
I realize that's part of being a parent. Watching her grow and become her own person. I marvel at it, then I cry because I can't hold her in one arm anymore. She doesn't fall asleep on my chest anymore. That baby sweet breath? Yeah that's gone. I'm struggling.
Lately it's been hitting home how fast these girls are growing. Their play habits, conversations. I hold on to what I can. Still want to sleep in our bed? Ok. Sure I wake up cranky and with a stiff back or neck because c'mon how are four people supposed to actually fit in a queen sized bed??! But I give in every.single.night. Because, I can't let go.
And I'll say it again - I'm struggling to get through this.
And good lord, do I have the mom guilt! Dropping her at school, I wonder every day: am I doing the right thing? I remind myself over and over that I can't teach her what she is learning; that I am doing what I always said I would - give her better than I had. But I'm still just a mom and she's still just my baby and it's hard.
So. School started: pre-k4 this year. More French for us all.
Look at this face!
Look at this face!
Another nine months of commuting some 60 miles a day back and forth to school and home, then back again. That's exhausting, friends, I won't lie. I dream of moving closer, but it's only dreaming. One day... One day.
Until then, I'm embracing learning my way around "my" city. A city I really do love, despite all its shortfalls. A city I don't even reside in, but that I relate to so much more. I'll try new parks and playgrounds with the girls.
Until then, I'm embracing learning my way around "my" city. A city I really do love, despite all its shortfalls. A city I don't even reside in, but that I relate to so much more. I'll try new parks and playgrounds with the girls.
Is it sad that I've lived here 90% of my life (and all of my adulthood) and today was the first time I went into Audubon park?
I want to explore City Park next, but I'm terrified. I've only ventured to those places close enough that I can still see my car. I'm afraid I'll go in and lose my way. No, really, you don't know how glad I am to have GPS on my phone - I'll surely be using it. Hell, I've used it just to find my way back to my car after parking for a parade in Metairie. No sense of direction here, y'all. None.
I want to explore City Park next, but I'm terrified. I've only ventured to those places close enough that I can still see my car. I'm afraid I'll go in and lose my way. No, really, you don't know how glad I am to have GPS on my phone - I'll surely be using it. Hell, I've used it just to find my way back to my car after parking for a parade in Metairie. No sense of direction here, y'all. None.
So we're getting back into routine. Early mornings and nights for the girls and me.
I feel like I've bad a busy week and introvert Stephanie needs a break. I need to recharge. Socialization doesn't come easy for me. I'm breathing each day and enjoying the quiet at home - and the chance to nap(!!!!) in the middle of the day.
It's funny how I'm actually happy the school year has started so I can see and talk to other adults (other than the husband :-P) everyday. But I also need my chances to breathe and refuel regularly.
I forced myself out of my comfort zone last week and went to this Mom's Night Out event. And seriously: it was pretty awesome. I was afraid to go alone, afraid to park in the city alone... but I did ok. I parked legally, my car was still there and not broken into, I didn't get lost even once - and didn't even need GPS (what what??!!). I even surprised myself, because I had fun. :-P
It's been a while... obviously.
I feel like I've bad a busy week and introvert Stephanie needs a break. I need to recharge. Socialization doesn't come easy for me. I'm breathing each day and enjoying the quiet at home - and the chance to nap(!!!!) in the middle of the day.
It's funny how I'm actually happy the school year has started so I can see and talk to other adults (other than the husband :-P) everyday. But I also need my chances to breathe and refuel regularly.
I forced myself out of my comfort zone last week and went to this Mom's Night Out event. And seriously: it was pretty awesome. I was afraid to go alone, afraid to park in the city alone... but I did ok. I parked legally, my car was still there and not broken into, I didn't get lost even once - and didn't even need GPS (what what??!!). I even surprised myself, because I had fun. :-P
It's been a while... obviously.
I stole that pic from Myndee's blog (proof I was there! Lol) - you should read her, she's totally cool and has even been featured on Scary Mommy (um, hello!). Oh yeah and this happened (via NOMB's Facebook page). I did not tag myself in that photo... :-P
The next day, I had a baby shower to attend. Then the next day, the girls and I met up with Myndee to check out a new play place, and that afternoon we had Gabby's school orientation (where I hung out a little longer to catch up with some other moms and help decorate the school for the first day).
By the time Tuesday came, I was beat, and with a head cold on top of it all. When MIL called to invite us to dinner, I gladly declined and let Jimmy take the girls on his own. I enjoyed nearly three hours of quiet and watching whatever I wanted on TV. I mean - I was totally sick and that sucked, but I was granted that refueling I needed.
Tomorrow is day three of our first week back on a schedule. And thank god it's Friday. I will sooooo sleep in Saturday morning. And I know my little introverted Gabby is feeling the same way. She's asked several times, "how many more days until I can stay home?" *tear*
By the time Tuesday came, I was beat, and with a head cold on top of it all. When MIL called to invite us to dinner, I gladly declined and let Jimmy take the girls on his own. I enjoyed nearly three hours of quiet and watching whatever I wanted on TV. I mean - I was totally sick and that sucked, but I was granted that refueling I needed.
Tomorrow is day three of our first week back on a schedule. And thank god it's Friday. I will sooooo sleep in Saturday morning. And I know my little introverted Gabby is feeling the same way. She's asked several times, "how many more days until I can stay home?" *tear*
So yeah...
Let's wrap up this ridiculously long post (that was all done from my iPhone - gah!!). Sleep is calling.
And if you read through this novel? Thanks for keeping up with my wandering brain tonight.
Let's wrap up this ridiculously long post (that was all done from my iPhone - gah!!). Sleep is calling.
And if you read through this novel? Thanks for keeping up with my wandering brain tonight.
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