Lately

What's been going on around here lately? I'll admit I'm not great at blogging frequently, and it's probably easier to see what we're up to by following me on Instagram. But here's a little summary of life on this side of the fence.

Summer vacation is over. I was counting down the days for two reasons: 1) a three year old who seems to do better with scheduled events, with busy days, with the socialization school offers, was driving me nuts. Ha. 2) I was terrified. School starting back meant my first born is another year older. And sometimes I don't know if I can handle that.

I realize that's part of being a parent. Watching her grow and become her own person. I marvel at it, then I cry because I can't hold her in one arm anymore. She doesn't fall asleep on my chest anymore. That baby sweet breath? Yeah that's gone. I'm struggling.

Lately it's been hitting home how fast these girls are growing. Their play habits, conversations. I hold on to what I can. Still want to sleep in our bed? Ok. Sure I wake up cranky and with a stiff back or neck because c'mon how are four people supposed to actually fit in a queen sized bed??! But I give in every.single.night. Because, I can't let go.

And I'll say it again - I'm struggling to get through this.

And good lord, do I have the mom guilt! Dropping her at school, I wonder every day: am I doing the right thing? I remind myself over and over that I can't teach her what she is learning; that I am doing what I always said I would - give her better than I had. But I'm still just a mom and she's still just my baby and it's hard.

So. School started: pre-k4 this year. More French for us all.

Look at this face!

Another nine months of commuting some 60 miles a day back and forth to school and home, then back again. That's exhausting, friends, I won't lie. I dream of moving closer, but it's only dreaming. One day... One day.

Until then, I'm embracing learning my way around "my" city. A city I really do love, despite all its shortfalls. A city I don't even reside in, but that I relate to so much more. I'll try new parks and playgrounds with the girls.

Is it sad that I've lived here 90% of my life (and all of my adulthood) and today was the first time I went into Audubon park?

I want to explore City Park next, but I'm terrified. I've only ventured to those places close enough that I can still see my car. I'm afraid I'll go in and lose my way. No, really, you don't know how glad I am to have GPS on my phone - I'll surely be using it. Hell, I've used it just to find my way back to my car after parking for a parade in Metairie. No sense of direction here, y'all. None.

So we're getting back into routine. Early mornings and nights for the girls and me.

I feel like I've bad a busy week and introvert Stephanie needs a break. I need to recharge. Socialization doesn't come easy for me. I'm breathing each day and enjoying the quiet at home - and the chance to nap(!!!!) in the middle of the day.

It's funny how I'm actually happy the school year has started so I can see and talk to other adults (other than the husband :-P) everyday. But I also need my chances to breathe and refuel regularly.

I forced myself out of my comfort zone last week and went to this Mom's Night Out event. And seriously: it was pretty awesome. I was afraid to go alone, afraid to park in the city alone... but I did ok. I parked legally, my car was still there and not broken into, I didn't get lost even once - and didn't even need GPS (what what??!!). I even surprised myself, because I had fun. :-P

It's been a while... obviously.

I stole that pic from Myndee's blog (proof I was there! Lol) - you should read her, she's totally cool and has even been featured on Scary Mommy (um, hello!). Oh yeah and this happened (via NOMB's Facebook page). I did not tag myself in that photo... :-P

The next day, I had a baby shower to attend. Then the next day, the girls and I met up with Myndee to check out a new play place, and that afternoon we had Gabby's school orientation (where I hung out a little longer to catch up with some other moms and help decorate the school for the first day).

By the time Tuesday came, I was beat, and with a head cold on top of it all. When MIL called to invite us to dinner, I gladly declined and let Jimmy take the girls on his own. I enjoyed nearly three hours of quiet and watching whatever I wanted on TV. I mean - I was totally sick and that sucked, but I was granted that refueling I needed.

Tomorrow is day three of our first week back on a schedule. And thank god it's Friday. I will sooooo sleep in Saturday morning. And I know my little introverted Gabby is feeling the same way. She's asked several times, "how many more days until I can stay home?" *tear*

So yeah...

Let's wrap up this ridiculously long post (that was all done from my iPhone - gah!!). Sleep is calling.

And if you read through this novel? Thanks for keeping up with my wandering brain tonight.

Celebrate the wins

Jimmy told me this yesterday.

After texting about a nice afternoon seeing a movie with the girls. It was a successfull afternoon, despite running late (I felt), and the drenching rain, we made it to the mall, still dry, and early. The girls actually watched the full movie (we saw Monsters University!) and we stopped for some gourmet chocolate afterwards downstairs. We came home and they both took three hour naps.

Celebrate the wins.

We've had a hard week. It's been stressful and making us feel downright beat down. Like it will never end.

Today, Jimmy went to get an estimate on the bodywork needed on our Escape. Caused by that damn tree branch. Our insurance estimate offered barely any help because of a high deductible. Boo. But after today's estimate we were hopeful. The main piece needing replacement (it's all cosmetic) is doable.

Then, an unexpected check in the mail from our mortgage company: an overage in our escrow. Enough to cover the work needed and then-some. In addition, our monthly payment will be lower because of the escrow decrease.

Then an email from Gabby's school confirming her placement at our preferred campus.

Celebrate the wins.

Then I made some pretty awesome chocolate cupcakes.

I woke up this morning dreading my day. What else can go wrong? But clearly, I woke up looking the wrong way.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go have another a chocolate cupcake. :)

Rain cloud

Do you ever feel like you've got one of those cartoony black rain clouds hanging over your head? It just follows you around, pouring on you, a little lightening here and there. Sometimes the rain will let up a little and you think, oh! This is what relief is like... Then it thunders and laughs at you and you're drenched once more.

This is our life lately. It's one thing after another. And maybe it's just part of every day living, and homeownership, and being an adult. But I'm having a hard time adjusting.

One car dies, then another. Repair bills build up, the cost of buying a new one builds up. The oven goes out, the vacuum and lawnmower die. Then, today, a damn tree branch nearly the length of our house falls ON our house... and the new car. Holes in the roof, dents in the car, messed up porch and gable. *sigh*

WTF life??

Pray for me y'all, cause I don't know how much more of this I can take.Or at the very least, put down the damn voodoo doll.

tonight

Dear self:

Ten years from now when your girls are sneaking out and speaking a language you don't understand; six months from now when you just can't handle one more second of being Mommy alone because your husband works to allow you to be home; one week from now when you're bone tired and sweaty from a long day at the zoo with a two and three year old; tomorrow night when they just won't go to sleep: please look back at tonight.

Tonight, when you laid in bed with your two babies to help them go to sleep. You rubbed your first's back until she drifted off. And your second looked up at you, smiling in the blue night-light light, and stroked your cheek. And you felt so overcome with love - for them and from them.

Please look back at tonight. Remember their faces, their soft baby skin, the smell of their breath and hair, and the way they want nothing more than to be near you. Remember how you cried thinking of how fast it's all slipping away. The monotony of day-to-day life, but already they speak in full paragraphs and second languages, and soon... will they even need you? Cherish it, momma. Please.

Remember tonight, laying in bed, and holding them both.

End of year one {pre-k3}

We made it. One full year of school is officially under our belts.

Not just for Gabrielle, but for us as parents, too. It was all totally new and eye opening.

I am a mix of emotions over it.

Happy: my girl is growing up! Oh thank god we don't have to commute five days a week now! She's grown so much - I'm so unbelievably proud of her!

Sad: my girl is growing up.

Nervous: my girl is growing up.

Freaking out: omg you mean I have to entertain her MYSELF all summer?!?

Confession time. It hasn't even been a week and I'm in a summer vacation slump. I totally did not change either kid (or myself, duh) out of pajamas today. Jimmy went to work, eventually we had dinner, showered, and put fresh PJs on.

Thankfully, I have a full week lined up for the rest of the week because I think both Gabby and I are about to go crazy. Genna doesn't seem to mind staying home still, but she hasn't been exposed to school yet, so she doesn't know what she's missing. Ha.

ANYWAY!

I still can't believe it's been a full school year. It really flew by. Between school breaks (omg, I don't think I ever realized how many days off kids get! Fall break, thanksgiving break, Christmas/winter break, mardi gras break, Easter/spring break - each a full week or two long!), that whole month where I broke my damn foot and my parents lived with us, and just life in general... Where did it go?

And my god... She grew. She's not a baby anymore. Seriously. She had barely turned three on her first day (literally the day before!), and here we are only two months away from having a four year old. I can't express anything other than awe. And grief, too, because c'mon. My first baby...

Look at her (August 22, 2012 vs. June 4, 2013):

I covered this in one of my recent posts, but her understanding and speaking of French still blows me away. It is part of everyday life for us now, though. Genna even speaks and (I think...?) understands little snippets of the little bits I speak.

She's more social now. There are days when I second guess our decision to enroll her in school so young, but then I see how she's grown and I realize that I alone wouldn't have been able to give that to her. Jimmy and I are not naturally social creatures and we have a very small circle of friends. Making friends or getting involved in social groups is hard for us, so without school, our children just don't have access to a lot of other children on a regular basis (playgrounds/play centers/zoos and the like aren't what I mean - we frequent those places - but play dates, social gatherings - we don't).

Gabby and her teacher, Madame Nathalie.

And to hear from her teachers about her progress, that's reassuring as well. She's always been shy (I don't like using that word because I was labelled as "shy" for all of my childhood and most of my adult life, but it's the best way to describe her demeanor, I suppose), And I don't foresee that changing about her, but knowing that she can and does open up - it makes me happy.

So, with summer upon us in full force, I have activities planned for us, including visits with school mates and one of Gabby's French teachers, and I hope to detail those more here as we go about them.


My darling girls... What will the next year bring?